Contracts & Chaos
Contracts & Chaos is the place to hear about what's happening to fellow Realtors like you. That crazy seller, the buyer who left at closing; we talk about it. How to stay relevant and thrive in a down market? We discuss it.
Alyssa & Brenna are Realtors located in the Charlotte and Hickory, NC market who have built their businesses in communities they are transplants in, without buying leads or joining mega teams to make it happen. They've beaten the odds during a pandemic and are here to share their stories, tips and advice on how to survive a down market or start your business from scratch.
Contracts & Chaos
150: But Would You Actually Trade Places? The Comparison Game
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It's so easy to look around this industry and think, "I wish I had their business." Their listings. Their social media. Their awards. Their life.
But would you actually trade places with them?
In this episode, we're talking about comparison, jealousy, and the highlight reel that social media loves to show us. Because while it's easy to admire someone else's success, we rarely stop to ask what came with it. The long hours. The sacrifices. The pressure. The season of life they're in.
We're chatting about how success looks different for every agent. For one person, it's 100 transactions a year. For someone else, it's working four days a week so they never miss a softball game. Neither one is wrong.
The danger isn't admiring someone else's success. It's chasing a version of success that was never yours to begin with.
This episode is a reminder to stay in your own lane, celebrate other people without shrinking yourself, and build a business that fits the life you actually want to live.
Because the goal isn't to have someone else's business.
It's to build one you'd never want to trade.
Like what you heard? Make sure to follow and review the podcast, and shoot us a message with your thoughts at
contractsandchaos@gmail.com
@YourHomeGirl_CLT
@Real.Life.Brenna
Alright, so have you ever watched like another realtor? You've seen them announce a listing or hit a huge milestone or they post another closing and you just have this like feeling like and it's not happiness. It could be maybe you're frustrated or it was insecurity. I find jealousy is often insecurity. Um which is funny because I had a bunch of that. We we've got girly talk, non-re real estate gossip to talk, check up online. I love that for us.
SPEAKER_01But no, I think you're right. I think that jealousy is just insecurities masquerading, right? Because at some point you're looking at them and being like, I'm not good enough. But that's a that's a personal, that's a personal thing.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, that's a personal problem. Um but I think everyone still experiences it, whether it's actually jealousy, whether it's insecurity. Um we all experience that personally and professionally, let's be honest. Um but I think the the jealousy isn't the problem here. I think it's that um people don't know the difference between jealousy and envy, and they're not doing anything about it to not feel that way anymore. Does that make sense?
SPEAKER_01Like they're just living in the misery, and I think that's when you end up with those people in some of the Facebook groups that are just like if you have time to sit here and say mean things on this post, like I'm pretty sure you have lead gen you could be doing. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00Right. Or if you have time to like scroll looking for someone to do something wrong so you can report, like, no, honey. Focus on building your business because that's gonna get you nowhere other than probably a bad reputation.
SPEAKER_01I I got reported on one of my listings once. This was before I had Emily, this is a while ago now, but they reported me because I'd put the three bedrooms in like the upper column, right? Like the upper level. The house didn't have an upper level, right? Like it was a main, it was a main floor. It was a ranch house, and it was a it was a mistake on my input in the MLS, right? But instead of like shooting me a text message or like anything like that, I got an email from Canopy that said, Hey, this is incorrect, and we need you to fix it within XYZ time or else.
unknownI got it once.
SPEAKER_00I got it once because in the middle of my listing, taxes got adjusted and my clients hadn't gotten the new bill yet, but apparently it had been posted online and an agent. Because the tax was the wrong number. And I was like, Yeah, that could have been a quick text message of hey, I was looking at your listing. I don't know if you know the county posted them online before the bills got delivered. So you need to like, but no, they just reported me. Like it's crazy. Okay, it's crazy. So we don't want to be those people. So maybe it's you know, someone's closing 60 deals, maybe they're getting awards, maybe it's that they have a podcast and you don't.
SPEAKER_01Maybe they're sitting on a beach in Florida and just like soaking up the sunshine while their team is closing deals, you know, like it could be any number of things. Right. And the problem is, is I think my husband hates social media, he hates it with a passion, right?
SPEAKER_00But it's because he listen, I'm not a I'm not gonna be a good one. Well, you didn't have it before real estate.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, because and it's one of those things. If it if my business didn't run off of social media, like I don't think I'd have it either because I'm I'm a 90s kid at heart, right? Call me on the phone, like the the hang-up phone. Yeah, it's just so at your fingertips to see everybody else's, and here's the kicker, highlight reels, right?
SPEAKER_00Mm-hmm. Yes, because not everyone gets on the internet and cries like I do. So I loved that video, by the way. Also, that video's at six. I'm sure it is.
SPEAKER_01I hope Dave has seen it. If you haven't seen it, you should go see it.
SPEAKER_00So oh, someone brought a poster to the concert to hold up that said Alyssa Courier, come get your hug. And I never saw them, but other people did. And like they were all it's all over the Dave Matthews face groups. Like I'm Dave Matthews.
SPEAKER_01That's so cool. But no, it's one of those things that people don't show the bad side, right? Before we before we hit go on this this morning, we were talking about dumpster fire deals, right? And things that happen. And not it's okay to share some like, you know, reality behind buying a house, right? Because it's not as easy as putting an offer in and just buying it, right? All you see is under contract and sold posts. There's a lot, there's a big amount of stuff that happens in the middle there. And while that can be helpful to posts, sometimes it just sometimes those stories just don't get told. And we just close the closet door and never think about that transaction or those clients again, right? And yep.
SPEAKER_00Oh, go ahead. I was gonna say, I think when you're when you're feeling that jealousy or that insecurity, you need to ask yourself, what is it you're actually jealous of? Is it the money that you think they're making, or is it the freedom that you think the money buys? Do you want the recognition that they're getting? You know, all these agents a month or so ago, it was I'm in the whatever top 1%. Hey, here's a here's a news flash. If you don't know, you have to pay to be on that list.
SPEAKER_01I got those emails. Do you want to pay the $350 to get your certificate in your social media? I'm good.
SPEAKER_00Thanks. Like, I can run those numbers myself and find out where I am in the MLS. Um, so is it do you want the recognition or do you want what the recognition supposedly is?
SPEAKER_01Well, and I think supposedly is the key there, right? Like, supposedly they have they're buying freedom and happiness, right? And listen, there are some agents out there running a massive business that do live the life that they portray online, right? But I think the important thing to know is that there are also team leaders or solo agents that are closing a huge amount of deals that hate their life. They haven't made it to a kid's soccer game in a year. They have not had a date with their spouse in who knows how long. They don't remember the last time they called their mom or dad. They don't like none of the they're so busy being of service to other people and holding the world and transactions together for so many other people that they're when they go home, it's in shambles, right? So, and they look at your life, say you're closing 25, 30 deals, and they're like, I would give anything to close 25 to 30 deals to be at home with my family every night to have dinner, you know. There are different, I think we've talked about this before. Success is different for everybody, right? What's your definition of success? Because do you really want to sell 150 deals solo by yourself? Is that really what you want? I think that's the biggest thing. You get jealous because, again, insecurities, but also maybe because you don't have like a plan or a roadmap or any idea of what you want that future to look like for you, and you're just like, oh, well, they're already there.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. And it's like, it's not their success that you're necessarily jealous of. It's are you just more jealous of how confidently they show up, how brazen they are about saying, Yeah, I'm at the beach for the third week in a row, bitches. Look at this new bikini I got. But here's the thing I know they were they've been at the beach three times. I just spent 12 days in upstate New York with my family.
SPEAKER_01How amazing is that?
SPEAKER_00That was awesome. I know my goal this year is to get to a beach. Y'all, we still have that written down on the goals for the end of the year. But I also got to go away for 12 days and spend it immersed. I stayed at my dad's house, spent time with the kids. Like that is amazing to me as well. So maybe look at what really is important and don't compare yourself too harshly. Because, like Brennan said, everyone has a different definition of success. Yes, I would love to be at the beach three weekends in a row. Yes, I would love to know I have a million dollars in my bank account. Yes, I would love to retire my husband. Or you know what? Retire from the industry and go referral status only.
SPEAKER_01And never have a terrible client again. Listen, I have great clients. I love my clients. I haven't had a dumpster fire client in a l in a long time, knock on wood.
SPEAKER_00None of y'all come stage my business in my house or something or whatever it is.
SPEAKER_01Because like I feel like I'm living in the house. In those first couple of years, I feel like I had so I thought I was gonna get like an ulcer or something with some of those people. But like now I'm just like, I just work with the people that I I want to work with, you know, and that I mean, that's freedom, that's success to some people, you know, to not have to take every deal that throws itself at you or that you come across to be able to be like, oh no, I I uh I'm real sorry about your loss, but I don't want to handle 15 signatures to try to get this this right sold and split up between all of you.
SPEAKER_00Like, nah. Yep. Um, and here's the other thing, like the dangerous, here's what the dangerous side of comparison does. It makes you pretend to be someone someone.
SPEAKER_01Are you talking about the copy paste agents?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, the I'm gonna go, oh my god. And I I admit I've done this to you once, maybe twice, where you had a genius post, and I was like, okay, hold on. Rephrasing this so it makes sense for me, but I like the idea, and then but I'm I'm rewriting what you wrote.
SPEAKER_01Well, because listen, you copy and paste, it's gonna hurt you, it's gonna hurt me, right? They you you need to get you have to make it your own.
SPEAKER_00You can take the idea and the inspiration. But you cannot just blatantly copy and I've seen agents do it where it's verbatim, the same shit. Verbatim. And I'm like, you didn't even chatty GPT this one to be like, hey, rewrite this so it sounds like use my voice on this and make it sound not like a robot.
SPEAKER_01But the other thing too though is I've heard I've talked to a few agents recently where they're like, this agent is copying me and I and I hate it, like I want to call her out on it. And like, I'm not, I guess I'm not that person either, right? Like, right?
SPEAKER_00I'm like, if they're in a different market, I don't give a shit. Take it, run. Like, I one of my listing videos recently, I was trying to figure out how to tell the story of this property, and our friend Lorraine had an amazing video in uh the Atlanta market, and I was like, hey, love this. Can I use the same idea? And she was like, Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_01Of course, Lorraine said, absolutely go for it.
SPEAKER_00And she's not the agent around the corner, and I still made it my own. Like mine had a talking script to it, hers was just words on screen, I think. Like it was the same but different, and not the agent around the corner. So it was, hey, I love what you did, but can I like can I do something similar? So I'm not stepping on her toes.
SPEAKER_01The only thing I can equate it to is like I am one of 11 children, right? And I'm like kind of kind of about in the middle. So I have a lot of younger siblings, right? So when the younger siblings suddenly like, oh, I like this kind of clothes. No, you don't. Since when? My favorite color is purple too. No, you don't, right? What? Absolutely not. Violet's going through. Madeline thinks that Violet is the coolest human on planet Earth, right? Oh, see, my sister's. I mean, they're so cute, but Violet's like, oh, did you hear Madeline's new phrase is cool beans? When has Madeline said cool beans? And I was like, as of last week. Listen, apparently.
SPEAKER_00Listen, Violet. Cool beans is an 80s kid.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it's all it's all coming back, right? But I think the biggest thing is just like, I don't know, just just let it, I don't want to say like let it go, but there's bigger fish to fry. If the there is an agent that's just like copying your stuff, you don't need to go fight them for it. I really don't think so.
SPEAKER_00But also even if they're in the same market, because here's the thing their audience could be, even if you're in the same market, could be significantly different than yours. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01So I'm not telling you to hunt down the people that are copy and pasting your stuff, but I'm also telling you to not copy and paste other people's stuff.
SPEAKER_00Correct. Right. Like you need to figure out what you're talking about.
SPEAKER_01Well, because a lot of times it doesn't even like it doesn't even track, right? People who know you, and then you copy, like, you know, say you're a I don't know, a retiree or something, work with those people, and you start talking uh about like young families with babies, and your audience is like, that's not us.
SPEAKER_00Right. Like if I started giving tips, people would be like, What? Huh? Like, no, that would make no sense. But you want to know where like the best cheeseburger and where to take your hot rod for drive some curvy roads? Call me. I got you.
SPEAKER_01The other thing comparison does for people is it causes them, it makes you uncomfortable, right? You're uncomfortable with however you're I mean, however your business is, however you feel like your decisions are affecting, or you're comparing to them, so you're not good enough. So then we're we start making rash decisions, right? So you start copying people's content, or you're like, well, they're at XYZ brokerage, which must be the ticket, right?
SPEAKER_00Well, yep, that's it. It's it is that it's that brokerage. Because you know what? That brokerage just bought some software company and it that's gonna change that.
SPEAKER_01Yep, so we're gonna we're gonna change brokerages, or you know what? Her brand is just so clean and aesthetic. I I'm gonna do that. Or her brand is so bright and like you can see it a mile away, and everybody recognizes it. I'm gonna do that, but that's not you either, right? Or you're like, well, I have to spend $25,000 on a coaching program this year. And listen, I'm in coaching, Alyssa's in coaching. There is such a benefit to coaching, but I think that people I'm in a coaching program right now where I feel like there's a lot of people that just bought coaching to say that they're in coaching.
SPEAKER_00You know what I mean? Yeah, and to try to snag the I I know of one agent who's blatantly said, I didn't join this program for coaching. I joined. Isn't that great?
SPEAKER_01Like they're not, they don't show up to calls, they don't do the work, you never see them uh in the group unless, like you said, like there's a referral post, right? But they're they've paid the money, so it gives them a maybe a status bump, maybe a a feel good, like I'm successful enough to have a coach, you know? And that's just whatever. Or listen, we all want to up our price point, but I am um I'm I probably shouldn't put this out in the universe, but you don't look at me and like she sells five million dollar houses, right? Like that's just not I mean I could.
SPEAKER_00I could. I mean, if you were in Montana, your vibe totally gets selling ranches. Exactly. Cows.
SPEAKER_01That would work. Yeah, we just don't know we don't have those here.
SPEAKER_00Uh I mean, try on, yes, but not new animated as much.
SPEAKER_01But or the worst thing you can do with comparison is you throw your hands in the air and say, This industry isn't for me. Obviously, I don't fit in, I'm not successful, I'm not doing the thing, it's not working. So I'm gonna go back to delivering Amazon packages, or go get a job at Wendy's, or I'm going back to corporate America, or what, and there's not like if you're in a position, and I don't want to make this be like somebody can't pay their bills, and like I told them not to go get a job, right? That's not the idea. The idea is sometimes the most uncomfortable part happens before the breakthrough, right? Like my most uncomfortable part in the industry, not before I got into the industry, but in the industry, was making that decision to leave the team that I was a part of, right? And I was told that I would not be successful outside of the team without support, without any of that stuff. And it was uncomfortable for a minute. But my business doubled that year. And then it doubled again the year after that.
SPEAKER_00So um speaking of Amazon, I'm not walking up to the front of the line right now because I ordered a bunch of shit while I was stuck in traffic yesterday.
SPEAKER_01You're not supposed to be on your phone in traffic.
SPEAKER_00I was literally parked on 81. So I'm I think I'm okay. Yeah, my 11 hour drive took 14 yesterday. So um, yeah, if you guys are watching the video of this, that's why I'm and I have no excuse because I didn't drive 13 hours, but that's okay. You don't look like your daddy look beautiful. Um but yeah, so like, but think about it, like how many business decisions that people make are actually rooted in insecurity, in jealousy, in being scared. You know, like but how I here's so here's how can we make jealousy useful? Sorry, there was just someone yelling outside my house. Um I think you have to say, instead of asking, like, why do they have that, you need to ask yourself, why does that bother me?
SPEAKER_01Let's let's look in the mirror. Are they breaking the rule?
SPEAKER_00Are they doing right, are they doing something unethical? Or is it it bothers me because I want that? It bothers me because I think I deserve it, and I don't understand why they're getting it before me. Um So here's an example. Like, I'm jealous that they're speaking on stages. Maybe. Like, do you actually want to teach? Or do you just want the notoriety and the attention? Because, like, I've had people tell me I should be on a stage, and I'm like, what the hell would I talk about? What do you want me to say? Hey, life sucked. I got over it, you can too.
SPEAKER_01Hey, there's life coaches that talk like that, I think, and they make pretty good money.
SPEAKER_00Maybe that'll be my next career. The tough love, get your shit together. I don't have mine together, but I could tell you how to do it. Of course. Like, but or is it our I'm jealous that they have referrals because, you know, they're getting all this business and I'm not. Okay, so are is that what you're jealous of? Or do you actually want deeper client relationships or relationships with other agents, you know?
SPEAKER_01Because a lot of those referrals are based on those relationships too, if they're not coming from past clients, you know?
SPEAKER_00Um, are you jealous that they have balance because you're seeing them at the beach, you're seeing them have the family dinner on Sunday. Maybe you're just burnt out. Or maybe you haven't put the guardrails in place that we've coached you on to have that balance. Like, could you a lot of people could not have gone to New York for 12 days the way I did. Now, was I out of communication? No, but I put an an out-of-office email responder up that said, Hey, I'm out. I will be for these dates. My response time will probably be delayed. If it's urgent, please text me. You know, so that I know. I didn't get a single friggin' text, because guess what? There's no emergencies in real estate. There really isn't. There's nothing that can't be handled a couple hours unless it's like right before close of business and has to be done to get closing documents. There's no emergencies.
SPEAKER_01Um The biggest thing I think is when you're walking yourself back from the ledge of jealousy, right? Is it easy to see their vacation, their 10 closings, those kinds of things, and actually be like, would you trade places with them? Right? Would you take their entire life, not just their 10 closings and their beach trip, would you trade places with them? The whole kit and caboodle. Right. Because a lot of times I feel like the answer would be no. Right? Because you have your own life and your own things and the only your stuff that's important to you and and things like that. Like, yeah, I don't know. I just I feel like a lot of time is wasted with people that are just um wishing away um what they could have if they were just like, you know, settled down and and working on it. So because like and I mentioned this earlier, just because they have a bigger team doesn't mean that they're making more money, right? When more money, more problems, but bigger team, you have all those people that you're managing, expectations, more clients, those kinds of things. It could be a bigger headache. More listings is less family time, a giant social following. Are they actually getting clients from that or are they just like really funny on videos? You know, and then you've got the people that opinions. I've seen some comments on social media videos that are just like unkind. Do I want a hundred thousand followers for that? So I think that those are big things to take into consideration when you're comparing yourself on social media.
SPEAKER_00I love that these some of these agents have these amazing teams, but I don't and I saw one advertising for a new role that I know is not commission based. I'm I don't want to have to worry about payroll every week. I don't want that, just so that I can say have this big team doing all these things. Like I would love a showing agent, but I don't want to have to have an office manager that I'm paying a payroll. The other thing may maybe something not. I think soon that I'll be able to do that.
SPEAKER_01The biggest thing is we're not necessarily just telling you to turn around and run away from the uncomfortable feeling of being jealous, but if it's something that maybe you need a kick in the pants, right? Like you she showed up or he showed up and did the boring things consistently over and over and over. They're doing their lead gen, they're a part of the community, they're treating their clients like wonderfully, creating an experience that people want to come back to. Maybe it's something that you need to, you know, again, look in the mirror and be like, how can I up my game? Right? But don't do it with the mindset of I want to be them, be you. Just be you in the best, the best way that you can, I guess. And on that note, guys, we will see you next week.